


Timelines

by last_illusions (injured_eternity)



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Episode Related, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-22
Updated: 2009-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-17 08:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/175096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injured_eternity/pseuds/last_illusions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can’t turn the clock back, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if it stops here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timelines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZeldaOphelia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeldaOphelia/gifts).



> Spoilers: 5x25 ["Pay Up"]

One day after her death, he shoots her killer.

One week after her death, he still can’t believe she’s gone, and he has to wait for the realisation every time he wakes up in the morning; it’s like being in the hospital listening to the doctor’s quiet apology and feeling the vise tighten around his heart. The sheets still smell like her, because he can’t bring himself to wash all the traces of her away. He’s back at work now, too, forcing himself to function and trying to ignore the pitying looks people keep giving him. All he wants is for life to move on, because he can’t turn the clock back, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if it stops here.

One month after her death, he’s shot twice in the chest during a warehouse raid, and the temptation to just let it all go and join her again is so strong it terrifies him. He can hear the others—Danny sounds like he’s in tears, Stella’s panicking in that quiet way she has, and Mac sounds… scared, which throws him because Mac doesn’t _get_ scared—and he almost opens his eyes to tell them goodbye. Then someone’s slapping an oxygen mask on his face and the words die on his lips because _air_ has never smelt so good.

One year after her death, the scars over his sternum have joined those on his stomach, but he’s back in the field and doesn’t have to lie about not being winded anymore. It's the scars on his heart that are still weeping blood, and though he hates coming home to an empty apartment because it _hurts_ so damn much, he does it anyway. The very idea of a one-night stand makes him sick. He thinks he’s doing a good job of hiding it until Stella gently suggests he talk to someone, and then he almost hits her for it. Not until he winds up on the floor of the shower, knees hugged to his chest, does he let himself think she might be right. The inner voice berating his stupidity agrees, and it sounds suspiciously like Jess.

Three years after her death, he’s stopped seeing glimpses of her everywhere he goes. He still sees things that remind him of her, but at least it doesn’t hurt so badly anymore. Then her father calls, says he’s dying. They’ve kept in touch sporadically since her death, but he doesn’t know what to say to that. He goes to see him, feeling irrationally guilty when her mother opens the door and he walks in to find all five brothers there, but Sylvia Angell shoos him into the bedroom and shuts the door before he can do more than offer a hello and awkward condolences.

“Doctors say I’m going fast,” Frank tells him in that slow, raspy manner of someone who’s not getting enough oxygen simply because they don’t have the energy to breathe the way they used to. There’s neither the time nor the will for small talk, but the last thing the man says is, “I’d have been proud to call you my son-in-law. I’ll tell her hello for you.”

And he’s crying all over again as Frank Angell passes away, and he doesn’t know if it’s for Jess or her father or both.

  
 _Finis._

 _Feedback is always appreciated._


End file.
